We're Still in Lima
by with love - Elincia
Summary: Quinn, Quinn, she's our girl, if she can't bitch, no one can! She, Berry, and Brittany venture on a quest to rid the kingdom of Santana once and for all, even though Brittany wants to do it by sexual means. Along the way, they are separated, thus encountering look alikes such as the sexy thief Argon who's secretly named Dianna, and the lovely minstrel, Lea. Crackfic with a plot.


A/N: Pairings are Faberry with a side of Achele and Brittana. May be OOC because it's a crackfic and my first try at Glee, but the read is worth it!

* * *

Quinn Fabray, knight of Mckinley, was the sole protector of one princess, Rachel Berry. Although her long blonde locks were cut down to shorter, wilder, layers of hair, it made her all the more charming. Instead of a sweet smile like Rachel's, a roguish grin was forever on Quinn's lips. Adorned in leather and light, steel plated armor with the kindgom's colors of red and black, Quinn was currently strapping her long sword to her hip and adjusting the shield strapped to her back. With the royal's emblem shining proudly on her chest, she stood tall in front of the full length mirror inside her quarters.

"Admiring yourself a little _too_ much there, Lucy?"

Quinn chuckled, not even glancing behind to guess who entered. "Princess Berry, good morning." A swish of robes was heard and before she knew it, the princess appeared in the mirror right beside her.

"May I…?" Rachel asked a tad bit shyly, holding up the elegant black cloak with its golden chains meant to tie around Quinn's collar.

"Milady, no need to do such a meager task for a person of my lowly stature – "

The princess giggled before smacking her on the shoulder. "Will you shut up and let me do this?"

As Rachel proceeded to place it around her shoulders, Quinn remarked, "You know, I kind of miss that quiet, timid princess you were years ago."

"Hm, well I certainly don't miss the cocky, rebellious Lucy from way back then," she replied playfully. Finished, she smoothed out a few invisible wrinkles on Quinn's cloak and stared happily at their reflection. "After all, you plus trouble equals a ruined, muddy dress for me."

Quinn whined, "You can only call me Lucy on Sundays!" Then grumbled, "And I still have that rebellious streak in me…"

Rachel rolled her eyes. "Excuse me, but I recall being allowed to call you Lucy once a day while you may call me _Princess Berry_ once a day as well." She clearly disliked the title, despite having the habit of using it when being a royal bitch to suitors.

"You called me Lucy twice today," the knight deadpanned.

She knew how to get on her protector's good side again. "I love you," Rachel replied, batting her eyelashes.

Quinn stiffened, trying futilely not to blush, and blubbered, "I-I, Rachel, you, um…" She took a deep breath and said in a small voice, "…I love you too." She pouted when the other pinched her cheeks, cooing adorably. Turning to fully face the princess, Quinn trailed her eyes up and down Rachel's slender figure.

Clad in a beautiful white dress that reached just above her knees, Rachel also wore long red and black robes to represent her kingdom's colors just as Quinn did with her armor. Her family's crest was in the form of a golden necklace around her neck, an important heirloom. The princess cleared her throat, raising an eyebrow once she received her one and only's attention again. "Were you checking me out?" The twinkle in her eyes said she was amused.

The blonde laughed sheepishly. "Wouldn't have been the first time."

The princess let out a sigh before grasping one of Quinn's hands, dragging her out into the brightly lit hallway. "There's someone I want you to meet! She's very peculiar, I warn you."

Quinn frowned. "Rachel, please tell me the person I'm meeting _is_ a person, and not, say I don't know…a porcupine that kept hitting on me."

As they approached the double doors leading to the grand room, Rachel defended, "First of all, he was a magical porcupine with the gift of singing. Secondly, his name was Puck."

"Everything in Lima is magical, thanks to your rainbow pooping fathers." Quinn stuck out her tongue, hand reaching for the door knob.

Rachel shrugged. She inwardly admitted that Lima wouldn't have been so weird if it weren't for her fathers and their fascination with casting strange spells. Yeah, they were gay wizards. "The girl's name is Brittany, by the way."

As they walked through, Quinn spotted a blonde spinning in the middle of the room, arms wide open and laughing delightedly. She sweat dropped. Hesitant, she pulled the princess back for a second. "Are you sure she's not dangerous?"

Rachel snorted, stifling a laugh. "My dear Quinn, please tell me you're not afraid of a _girl_." Not allowing time for the other to retort, she called, "Brittany, there's someone I want you to meet!"

The girl stopped twirling, blinking at the two before a cheerful smile appeared. She skipped towards them happily. "Oh, so this is your lover? The closest relationship I've ever had is with my phone; thank god it vibrates!"

Quinn's jaw dropped. Then she shook her head. "What the hell is a phone?"

Brittany beamed. "I'm from the future! Or at least, a different world."

The knight looked at her skeptically. "I'll believe that when pigs fly."

Rachel cleared her throat. "Sweetheart, pigs _can_ fly. We're in Lima, remember?"

Quinn palmed her face. "Damn it!"

Rachel comforted her by softly patting her on the back. "The good news is, she says she can help us with our problem." She gestured to the eccentric blonde. "Brittany is destined to bring down Santana."

The girl chirped, "Yes, and I'll be on top of her!"

Quinn stared, then begged Rachel, "Please, if you get rid of her, I'll get rid of Santana!"

The princess lightly scolded her, "I know you're a Titan of Mckinley, but Santana has the skanks on her side! What if they try to get up all on you? You're not single anymore, Lucy Quinn Fabray."

"Ooooh," Brittany said, holding a hand to her mouth.

Quinn tried not to glare at the blonde. "I guess all I can do is show Brittany the way?" She was a little glum at the prospect.

"_We_ will show her the way," Rachel corrected. "Beth is mature enough to care for the kingdom while we are away."

"I knew you adopted the kid for a reason."

Rachel smiled. "You still love her like she's our own."

Quinn didn't argue, but scratched her cheek with one finger in an embarrassed manner. "I'll go pack our things and ready our horses. Shall I inform Beth first?"

Brittany interjected, "Rachel already did! I prepared everything else, too."

The knight just opened and closed her mouth. "You knew I was going to let this happen, didn't you?" She crossed her arms at the princess.

Rachel giggled nervously. "I…am very persuasive?"

* * *

As they rode off on the finest stallions they had in the stables after a short goodbye to Beth, Quinn led them across town and into the wilderness. Pathways were made in order for travelers to find their way to and from different provinces. It may be about a week and a half journey to find Santana and return if all goes well.

"With this map, we should be fine if we stick together." Rachel rolled up the parchment and deftly slipped it into her pouch. "It is possible we may run into obstacles and fight off bandits that dwell in the woods, but with Quinn's sword, my staff, and Brittany as bait, we shall succeed!"

"Bandits?" Brittany tilted her head to the side. "You have those here?"

"The noctorious Ser Argon, world class thief and flirt," Quinn drawled. "No one knows what Argon looks like, but you can bet he'll charm your skirt off before stealing all of your jewelry."

"Argon's first name is Ser?"

"No, that's just a title. He's just Argon. We don't know his first name or anything else," Rachel said nonchalantly.

"Then how do you know if Argon is a boy?" Brittany inquired.

After thinking about it, Quinn grudgingly admitted, "You make a good point."

Brittany clapped her hands excitedly. "So you agree that 3D ruins about everything in movies, even boobs?"

Quinn choked, dimly aware that Rachel was chortling. "Say what now?" She gave the princess a bewildered look, but the other just kept giggling to herself. "How bizarre can this get?" she muttered, clearly thinking about Brittany.

Rachel decided now would be a good time to debrief everyone. "Santana lives in the area controlled by the evil Sue Sylvester, so once we are nearby, we must tread cautiously. Besides that, there are the skanks we must get through. If we can't defeat them, we can't go on." She spoke in the firm voice of a future queen. "Santana has one last defense, which is the almighty Cheerios. They will do flashy moves to stun you before arousing you with their flexibility, so keep it in your pants and don't be afraid to pimp slap them."

Quinn nodded gravely while Brittany sang out an okie dokie. "By the end of this journey, you and I will have some quality alone time, won't we?" She winked and kissed the top of Rachel's hand as the princess flushed.

"And Santana will throw me on her bed and have her way with me!" Brittany squealed joyfully.

In high spirits, the trio continued on in companionable silence. In record time, they covered much ground and the sun wasn't even setting yet. Thankfully, to the good pace they were going and the soft humming coming from Rachel, Quinn was at ease. It took her mind off Brittany, who suddenly had a hint of curiosity in her eyes. This of course, worried the knight, because crazy and curious did not make a good combination.

"I have a question."

Quinn held in a sigh. She had a bad feeling about this. "Shoot, Brittany."

"Why do these horses have wings?"

"They're called Pegasus," Rachel answered. "Only the Titans breed them, so they're special to Lima."

Quinn's was the color of obsidian, Rachel's was of pure white, and the knight had no idea why Brittany chose the most colorful one. Then again, she had said she wanted Santana to notice she was gay for her.

"Oh." Brittany's face was scrunched up in a puzzled expression. "Then why don't we fly?"

"We would be right now, if you didn't have any trouble actually riding the horse."

"Pegasus," Brittany said. "You said they were Pegasus, not horses."

"I call them horses when we are on ground." Quinn rolled her eyes. Honestly, this girl truly must be from a different world.

"I think I've improved riding on the horse!" the blonde said confidently. "I'm not falling off like last time and Lord Tubbington isn't misbehaving anymore." That's right; Quinn's was named Cornelius, Rachel's was Faberry, and…Brittany's was Lord Tubbington. "Look, I'll show you – AHHHH!"

"Brittany!" they both shouted as Lord Tubbington shot to the sky.

Rachel immediately took flight to chase after the screaming blonde. "Rach, wait!" Quinn could only look up helplessly before urging her horse to pursue them on ground. "In case that girl accidently crashes back down," she huffed.

It was only when she realized that she could barely hear the two anymore that she made Cornelius fly. Panicking, she turned in every direction only to spy two incredibly small specks out in the distance and groaned. Great, now the princess was going to be all alone with a silly girl supposedly from the future. Not only that, but if it weren't for the blonde's presence, today she and Rachel could have been sexing it up in the hot springs right about now.

"I swear, Brittany was destined to be a cockblocker instead."

* * *

Meanwhile...

"Slow down!"

"I like going fast!"

"It's too much, Brittany!"

"Rachel, I'm getting closer! I'm gonna – "

"OH MY GOD!"

The princess automatically rushed towards the trees where Brittany and her horse crash landed. "Gently," she murmured to Faberry, the Pegasus lowering until they were safely beside the blonde wreck. Sighing in relief when she was sure no one was actually hurt, she placed her hands on her hips. "Brittany, we told you to be careful!"

The girl looked down sadly. "Sorry, Rachel." She rubbed her horse as well. "Sorry, Lord Tubbington."

The princess couldn't stay mad at her. They must be deep in the forest now; it kind of made her uncomfortable so she hastily brought out the map. "Okay, we're surprisingly closer to Santana's hideout," she announced after a moment. She swiftly turned. "Quinn…" Rachel blinked, then went pale.

"Brittany, where's Quinn?"

* * *

A/N: I wanted to give you guys a taste before I thought about writing another chapter. For those of you who don't know, Achele is the pairing of Lea Michele and Dianna Argon, the actresses for Rachel Berry and Quinn Fabray - they have **a lot **more chemistry going on lol


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